Over the years I have sought to keep my life in line with a set group of priorities…God, Family, Church, and Everything else…I haven’t always been able to keep them in line, but I continue to try to make sure that I keep the first three in their proper place.
I’ve met many pastors who will claim those priorities, but will often live as if God is first and church is second and their wives and children suffer as a result. Church is important to me, but I cannot sacrifice my wife and children on the altar of ministry.
In 1 Timothy 3 we find a list of qualifications for the elder and the deacon…in verses 4 and 5 Paul says of the elder, “He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” In verse 12 he says of the deacon, “Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well.”
There is much we could say about these verses, but for today I would submit that Paul gives us a clear set of priorities. There are many qualifications for the elder and deacon, but family must be a priority in his life. If he does not “do” family well he is not qualified to be a pastor.
That doesn’t mean that we are sovereign over our children…many pastors and deacons do all that they can to bring up their children in the Lord and find them walking away from the faith. We are not sovereign over our children, but our families should know that the only thing that comes before them is God.
There are times when I will miss a family event for an urgent ministry matter, but those times are rare. I will not miss key events in my daughter’s life because of a monthly meeting in the church. I’ll give you an example, recently there was an important meeting in our church that I really needed to attend, but one of my girls was singing at her school…it was not something I had to think about—I called the chair of the committee, told them I would not be there, and was there to watch my daughter sing.
Years ago I realized that I was not a requirement for the church. If I died on Saturday the church would meet on Sunday. They would worship and someone would fill the pulpit. I would hope that there would be tears, but the church would not (and should not) close their doors because I was gone. That realization struck me and caused me to feel more comfortable putting Kim and the girls over the church. The church can easily call another pastor, but my girls have one daddy. Kim has one husband. Someone else could fill that spot, but they could never take my place.
This isn’t to say that the Church isn’t important—I would submit to you it should come before baseball, football, band, cheer, or dance, but as a husband I am called to love my wife as Christ loved the church…I cannot find a place in the Bible where I am called to love anyone or anything else like that. Can you?
Evaluate your life today—do you need to reevaluate your priorities?
